Thursday, March 15, 2007

Can't Shake the Blues

I keep starting to write a new post, and I never finish it.

Everyone in the family is doing pretty well, but I'm just a bit blue. This actually seems like a pretty normal reaction to our family situation, but until now I'd focused so hard on being super autism mom that I didn't have time to get sad. My husband tries to be helpful. He is still convinced they are going to grow out of this, and just be slightly eccentric. Believe me, that sounds like a great outcome. And I do love them the way they are (which is very sweet, most of the time), but I also worry about them too.

Despite my current gloom and doom, we had a really fun time this morning. For the first time, I took them to a playground all by myself (well, I have done it before, but usually kept at least one of the twins in a swing or stroller, to prevent anyone going AWOL). It's a fenced playground at our local elementary school. We even had a picnic, and they all had a blast. G. and J. jumped in puddles, and B. went down a slide a couple of times before becoming fascinated with the mulch. It's a beautiful day out, and it did jolt me out of my slump a tad.

Sometimes I'm so glad that no one (except my husband) knows I blog. I can say whatever I like. There are several people (family members and friends) who are determined to say that the twins are just fine. My coping mechanism right now is to respond with, "hey, I bet you're right" and change the subject. It's not my job right now to explain early childhood milestones, and that it's strange when your child does not hug you, or know his name, or want to get your attention. On this blog, I can go ahead and say that I'm worried and I'm not always as optimistic as I could be. For one thing, there aren't many people reading it. And those who do read it have probably been down this road themselves.

So, bah humbug, or whatever the seasonal equivalent is. I'm sure this mood will pass! Until then, I"ll self medicate with chocolate.

Movie Note: despite my funk, I really enjoyed watching Stranger than Fiction. It had an unusual plot and an interesting sound track.


mcewen said...

My husband [don't spread it around] says that he was just like 'them' when he was little - unfortunately Granny can't confirm!
I dreaded 'graduating' from the double stroller where I kept them 'chained in' until we were safely inside the gated area of a park. It was nerves of steel time for me as it's tough to run in three different directions at the same time!
Best wishes

KAL said...

I'm sorry you're feeling blue. You will have these ups and downs for awhile. I'm glad you're blogging and I AM reading... I'm just so mired in my own blues. I will post again soon. It's really tough to feel like you have to put on a happy face for everyone. Hang in there.

WarriorMom said...

It's frustrating when people downplay our concerns. Whenever I mention my son's developmental delay, my older brother keeps saying that my son is fine. I admire your ability to tell them they might be right. It's a very difficult thing for me to do.