Tuesday, October 2, 2007
In Appreciation of B.
Lately, in the midst of some discussions about "recovery" and "cures", with some talk of high- or low-functioning kids mixed in, I've had a real chance to think. I've realized that so often I think about the twins in terms of their relative progress. Who has said what word, who can take their own shoes off (neither!), who can stack one block on top of another. It's exhausting. And it's making me feel like a failure at mothering B.
Not a failure, that's too strong. But I try the same things with each boy, in fact B. has gotten more therapy, and their development is so dramatically different.
But starting now I've had enough of seeing B. in terms of what he's not doing yet. I want to enjoy him for his B.-ness. He dances in front of the mirror. He shakes with pleasure when he sees an FBI warning on a favorite DVD. He says a word now and then, for his own enjoyment. He absolutely loves the pool and the bathtub. He finds Angelina Ballerina hilariously funny. When he hears the "Between the Lions" theme, he screams with excitement. He likes to rough-house and jump on the big bed. Occasionally he'll stare into my eyes.
I've read a lot of other moms describing this feeling, but I didn't get it. I was still too new to the situation, trying to squeeze all the floortime I could into their "window". Tonight, I'm content (and unbelievably lucky) to be B's mom, just as he is, and however he ends up being.