Functioning -- high and low and in-between

Overall, I think my mood is pretty good these days. But one thing can still sucker-punch me... other autistic kids seem to progress so fast! I hear people refer to their child as low-functioning or autistic or delayed, and they can do so much more than the twins. This is not what it's cool to blog about. I realize, but I don't have too many readers, so the pressure is off, to some extent.

One thing that works for this mood is to go the blogs of parents with children with much more serious medical or cognitive disabilities. I feel strange saying that, but it is a sure way to help me appreciate the positives in my life. Another thing that really helps is looking at a picture of Greg trying a hamburger.

Gardening

Now that I have all three boys in school full-time (pause here for a sniffle), I find myself trying to re-claim my old self or possibly discover some aspects of a new self. I feel like I'm trying to re-group. I've been donating a LOT of stuff to Goodwill, which makes me very happy. I've also been doing some planting. In my windowsill I have basil, thyme, lavender and rosemary. I've bought some seeds to try growing micro-greens. Outside I've got Texas Sage and phlox of some kind.

I haven't come up with any plan for how to earn money while still being home to get the boys off their buses. I haven't done the "Determination of Mental Retardation" appointment which might get us some services. I haven't made any nifty DVD's for video modeling.

Right now I'm getting rid of old stuff and growing a few new plants and watching old episodes of Community, and that is going to have to do for the time being! Not a bad way to spend some time.

PS That's not actually my Texas sage in the photo. That's what my Texas Sage dreams of being one day far in the future.

At the Movies!

I'm just back from a field trip to the movie theater to watch Tangled with the twins' class (and the two other self-contained classes from their school). There is something freeing about seeing a movie with only special needs kids and their teachers in the theater. At times it reminded me of the old midnight showings of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"-- a lot of audience participation and talking back to the characters on the screen. When Rapunzel had Flynn locked in a wardrobe, one boy kept yelling, "Open the door!" Nobody minded, and luckily she did finally open the door.

I'm happy and surprised that the twins made it through the whole thing. The last twenty minutes or so Greg started asking, "Down? Down? Down?", but dealt with it when we didn't take him out. Then he limited himself to an occasional call of "Wait, Elmo!" for the rest of the movie. B. drank three sodas --his, G's and mine-- and then actually waited through the whole movie til we got to the restroom. More than I could have done, that's for sure. Maybe this will inspire me to try more movies with them although I'm not ready to try it on my own yet (if ever).

Just putting this in here to remind myself of my pledge to take more pictures. Not that this idea will go over well with the twins...


Then there are some people who don't mind at all!

Brothers acting like brothers!

I just wrote a depressing post about how G. used to use language in a more social way back when he was two. But I decided not to hit "publish". Now he comes up to me and puts his hands on my cheeks, or presses his nose into my face and inhales lovingly. So what's to complain about really?

Also, on the big news front, B. has decided that his big brother is funny. If J. hops into B's bed, or gives him a bear hug, or better yet, lies down on top of him, B. gets a fit of the giggles. It doesn't always work, but when it does, it is such a joy to see! They'll wrestle around and laugh, until it usually ends with B. getting over-excited and grabbing his brother by the throat. That doesn't sound so great, but it's meant in a loving way, I"m pretty sure.

It's so nice that things like this can come up and surprise you, even if you have to wait til they turn six. I think of myself back in my desperate Floortime days--trying so hard to get them to do pretend play or interact with each other. So many things just have to happen in their own time. As frustrating as that sometimes is!

Even keel

B. seems to be doing okay with this kindergarten thing. He doesn't like the cafeteria, but who would? I've been picking him up early, to help him ease in. Right now he's talking in what sounds like paragraphs of babble or some language I don't know. I may be imagining it, but I feel as if he's talking to himself more since we quit ABA.

Every once in a while I feel a jolt of surprise when I realize both the twins are in the kind of class I used to teach, with a very low ratio and goals like putting their lunch boxes away (along with some loftier things, too.) Most of the time it seems normal, and I'm so, so glad that this year we have a teacher who says things like, "They are both so smart, we just have to learn how to work with them". I'll just let last year's teacher fade into a distant memory!

My mom is home, and continuing to improve. So right now things are good, although I do miss seeing as much of the twins as I used to.

Starting Kindergarten

Okay, Mommy needs a drink, or a massage, or a Valium, or something! I'm taking deep breaths, going to my happy place, etc. This morning I dropped B. off at his self-contained kindergarten. It's the same class G. is in, so it should go fine. When I left, he was sitting in the general ed. kindergarten for calendar time. He was singing some Christmas song in a low, relatively quiet voice. He tried to stretch out on the carpet and ended up sitting in an aide's lap. I guess now he'll start coming home smelling strongly of perfume, as Greg always does.

I actually feel better about it than I thought I would. He walked into the building with a huge smile on his face. I'm picking him up early and hoping he's still smiling or at least not crying. So far, this is definitely harder for me than for him. Thank God for good teachers and aides.